I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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