I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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