he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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