So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
