I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
