But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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