Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
