In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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