I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
