my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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