Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
