she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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