Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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