there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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