so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
