Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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