he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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