new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
