ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The best revenge is premature balding
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
