you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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