She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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