FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
