so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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