You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
