For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
