Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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