my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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