$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
