I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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