I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
