I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
