can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
