Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
not ubering you a puppy
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
