and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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