guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
