I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
