If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
