Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
