I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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