Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
