The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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