Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
