I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
