There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
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