I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
