Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
