i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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