I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize