Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Drake has all the answers
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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