i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
