And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
