Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
