So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
