Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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