i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
