I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
