Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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