Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
