I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize