I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
