the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
