so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
