he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
