He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
