babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
