I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
